Have you ever wanted to go to LA? No, me neither. I think it is the tone of voice, the distinct ‘I’m above this’ or ‘I’m only talking to you because my parents made me’ tone of voice. Good people I’m sure, but the regional accent sucks the air out of any quality conversation. I like talking to old people. They know not to just say things and when they do, they say things that are time tested and usually true. They speak in the proverbs. Wisdom passed down from generation to generation, an art lost, replaced by the hash tag. It only makes sense, they say LA is the land of eternal youth.
There is this devise that people wear on long trips that goes around your neck and looks exactly like a toilet seat. I think it is help people sleep if they are sitting upright in a car or an airplane, but it looks like they are poking their head out of a toilet. I don’t know what it is called, but once you notice that they look like toilet seats you can not erase the connection from your mind. I actually think they would make better toilet seats than toilet seats, plush and comfy, like sitting on a very long, thick, and round summer sausage shaped pillow. But to use it properly you just wear it like a scarf. If used as an actual toilet seat I imagine it would be like shitting on a cloud. They also remind me of very small life preservers, funny in a same way a clown wears really big shoes or a really tiny hat. I get them though, they help you sleep and save you a world of neck pain. You just look like your wearing a toilet seat around you neck.
Did you know that the Ben & Jerry’s in front of JFK’s terminal 25 opens at 6:00 AM? And I have been counting. So far three different groups, totaling 8 people, have bought ice-cream so far. It current time is 6:37 AM. Every one of those patrons were grown-ass adults. At first I though, maybe they serve waffle-themed breakfast sandwiches? Nope, just all the things you would expect from a Ben & Jerry’s.
Right now I am grasping at short straws. There is something odd about airports. The same sort of delirium that exists on Christmas Eve. Everyone is eager, waiting for the time to come, so many people are killing time in so many different forms; go, stay, sit, watch, eradicate split ends, stir your ice coffee, look, comb you hair with your fingers, sigh, apply chap-stick, lounge, go to the bathroom, take a piss, leave the bathroom, remember to take a shit, go back to the bathroom, take a shit, read, write, the list of time-killing verbs go on and on. This is a product of time-killing. Letter by letter. Death by a thousand cuts. Things I can not stand; people who beat-box, do triceps-dips, or play death-metal air guitar in public places. Conversations with people from LA.