The biggest mistake the Fox every made was letting it all go to his head. Fox was sleeping in his burrow when hedgehog came’round for a visit, with him was that particularly dangerous bit of news.
Hedgehog called to him from above,“Hey Foxy!?!”
Fox stirred but did not wake, he liked his morning dreams and rarely got up before they were over.
“Foxy, you there?”
The time between the first call and the second was more than enough time for Fox to wake, fall back asleep, wake once more, then fall back asleep again. He was dreaming of Euclidean geometry and he liked his dreams about Euclidean geometry.
Hedgehog was not as clever as Fox, but he knew people. He knew how to use that skill to get what he wanted, usually.
For the forest citizens, when visiting, the best gift to bring was alcohol, no matter how early in the day. Alcohol was also the best way to get Foxy out of his den, Hedgehog knew this well.
“Oh Foxy! I’ve got a bottle of Brandywine Berry Wine!”
It turned the trick as Hedgehog knew it would. Scuttling up from the burrow, all dreams of Euclidean geometry forgotten. Fox emerged with a grin and two glasses.
“Foxy!”
“Hedgehog! For what do I owe this delightful surprise?”
“Ooooooooooo, just a bit of news I though you’d enjoy to hear and I needed a respectable attorney to drink this Brandywine Berry Wine with!”
“A bit of news, eh?” Fox tilted his head and quick like a flash was beside Hedgehog, relishing the little jump his sudden movement caused.
“Quick Hedgehog, before the sun goes down, I pray, tell me this enjoyable it of news!”
Hedgehog scoffed.
“HA!”
Then said;
“Wine first, and give me a compliment before we begin, I had a disastrous row with the wife this morning and I need a respectable attorney to tell me how absolutely irreplaceable I am.”
Fox stood on his haunches, puffed up his white chest, rose his sharp chin high to the sky and said after a very good dramatic pause.
“Very.”
Hedgehog laughed and uncorked the bottle of Brandywine Berry Wine and started to sing as he poured the dark purple syrup.
“From dusk to dawn, from dawn to dreary, Fox is as nice as I am weary………..”
Hedgehog broke off the melody as said, “……..of my wife.”
Fox was on all fours now, head down, ears raised. He spoke slowly.
“Don’t chide me with passive aggressive childrens lullabys meant for parties in absentia.”
Hedgehog paused his pouring. “I did not chide, I was merely expressing my emotions of the morning.”
“Merely?” Asked Fox.
“Merely.” Answered Hedgehog, he held out a glass full of thick purple Brandywine Berry Wine. Fox relaxed, sat, then took the glass and said, “It did have a pleasant melody.”
Hedgehog moved his head close to Fox’s and locked eyes with him and dramatically delivered the line:
“The truth always does.”
The broke back laughing and fighting hard to keep the Brandywine Berry Wine from spilling onto the ground. They pivoted back towards each other and their two glasses met between them.
CLINK!
Silence took over as they sipped their wine. Speaking often removed the more subtle flavors and tones of a good bottle of Brandywine Berry Wine, it’s smooth and heady characters shine in silence.
Fox and Hedgehog finished the wine quickly, Hedgehog putting back four glasses, Fox putting back six. With a buzz Hedgehog held up the bottle and asked.
“Do you recycle?”
With that they two erupted in laughing once more and Hedgehog threw the bottle to Fox, who haphazardly threw the bottle behind him hitting a small chipmunk directly on the head. This chipmunk, named Ralph, instantly went insane. Fox and Hedgehog took no notice.
“So,” Fox said diplomatic buzz, “what is the this bit of news that I would so enjoy?”
Hedgehog wiped his chin and spoke.
“I did not hear it, but I heard it from someone who did.”
“And who was that?”
“Shut up and listen.”
“Never met him.”
“Like I said, I have it on reliable witness that last night the Great Owl was looking for a place to die. My witness was his realtor see. You do? Good. Well, the Great Owl is a particular bird and a total bear to look at properties with on account of his business hours and him being nocturnal and odd to look at and such, the whole head on a swivel bit. The realtor told me he was a cranky bastered who kept nodding off and shitting out bits of his friends, trying out the toilet before the bed then shitting on the bed getting the two mixed up due to his lack of sleep. He is a spooky bird, but I have always respected him for that. But the bit of news was this: After finding a good pot in a cherry tree the Great Owl decided to call it quits and die. He recited his last will and testament to his realtor, who could not remember a lick of it when I asked for details, but he did remember one thing. One thing that I think you would enjoy to hear.”
“Don’t pull my tail, Hedgehog.”
“Oh, I would never. Before he died the Great Owl told his relator that upon his passing the most clever animal in the forest would be…..”
“Who?”
“Shut up and listen.”
“Who the hell is this Shut up and listen?”
“No one you would ever know.” quipped Hedgehog.
“Who?” Repeated Fox.
“Well now, the Great Owl said, with his passing and all, that the most clever animal in the forest is now you!”
“Me?”
“Yes, you!”
“Well, Mr. Hedgehog, I must say. That is a bit of rather enjoyable news.”
With that Hedgehog left and Fox stood proud looking at the forest around him. Throughout the day different animals came and congratulated Fox on his accomplishment. Everyone was so busy slapping Fox on the back that only the Great Owl’s relator attended the Great Owl’s funeral.
The question was on everyone lips.
“What will you do now, now that you are the most clever animal in the forest?”
At first Fox could not answer the question, as simple as it was. A world of possibilities lay before him but he was still in shock from the rather enjoyable news that Hedgehog gave him that morning. Also, Fox had a little of the buzz that Hedgehog given him as well. Accolade after Accolade came from friends, family, and complete strangers. Fox’s head swam with the please and dove deep into the recesses of his desire to pull up a worthy answer for that pestering question. “Should I be humble?” He thought. “Should I craft civil engineering projects to increase the real estate value of the forest?” He did not know, but the more he thought the more he knew what he did not want. Not money or praise, nor children or acting awards.
None of that would do.
Finally, he rose up from the depths of his desire with the answer clutched in his mind like a golden pearl.
He held up his hands and those in attendance hushed, Fox then began to pace around dramatically.
“You have all asked me; what will you do now, now that you are the most clever animal in the forest? And I now have an answer. Now, would you like to hear it?”
The crowd murmured yes.
“I thought so. I think now, now that I am the most clever animal in the forest, I’ll go on a vacation!”
The crowd looked puzzled. A vacation?? “Where?” they asked, “Where will you go on vacation?”
Fox smiled. “The only the fittest place for the most clever animal in the forest to vacation. I will go to Townsend Meadows!”
The crowd seemed to break, no on moved and Fox, the most clever in the forest puffed out his white chest and rose his chin high to the sky. He stood and yelled, for he was not done:
“For a swim!”
An eruption of cheers and whistles wafted over the Fox, who at this point in time really like being the most clever animal in the forest. And, in all that sudden pomp and circumstance Fox, the most clever animal in the forest, still buzzed from Brandywine Berry Wine, forgot that he could not swim. Ralph, the insane chipmunk was the only one to watch him drown.