Form of function in nature with an evolutionary spin or angle. That’s what I take from David Attenborough’s Africa. There are many gorgeous animal narratives in the six episode series but two stood out to me and made me think, hard. Evolution is a great problem solver, all it needs is time. It shakes, rattles, and rolls. Which brings me to the first of the two harrowing animal narratives.
We have a desert. Never a good place to call home.
Our antagonist is a pregnant desert wasp whose ancestors, once upon a time, had the horribly ingenious idea of laying her eggs in living insect flesh. She now looks to continue the grisly tradition. Although, it is understandable, I have gone to horrible measures to find good real estate in a shrinking and shifting housing market.
Our protagonist is a spider. Light brown with long legs. It wisely chose to build it’s house on sand, or should I say, in sand.
The wasp finds the spider. A quick dune-top skirmish. The wasp has the spider outgunned, and it can fly. But the spider has something else. A form of function. It’s long legs are not long because of the odd and hard to obtain beauty standards of desert spiders. The legs are long because this spider, right now, in the midst of battle, needs to roll. And it does. All the way down the sand dune. It’s scrunched form of long legs provides a barrel like shape that functions as a pinwheel allowing the spider to quickly evade the lecherous desert wasp. Checkmate.
Harrowing animal narrative number two. We have an oasis. Always a good place to call home.
Our antagonist is a young and horny male giraffe who emerges out of the hot dry desert like an outlaw in an old western. The oasis wets his foot-long purple tongue.
Our protagonist is an old bull giraffe, the longtime guardian of the oasis and the harem of female giraffes that live in it. Nice.
The two giraffes meet in an open field of battle. Seasoned veteran versus hot blooded meat and sinew. Giraffes do no fight with their hooves, understandable, they smack each other with their heads. The NFL ain’t got nothing on the probable sky high concussion rates of giraffe MMA. They use the two short vertical horns on the top of their heads to draw blood from each other. They smack heads on asses for a while and a quick feint leads to the experienced bull giraffe taking out the hot blooded youngster with a body shot. The young giraffe goes down like a large black dildo. The form of long necks and pointy heads for the function of ensuring your blood line. Checkmate
What came first? The idea of function? Barreling down a sand dune to escape a pregnant wasp, or using the two pointy sticks on the top of your head to impale your sexual rival?
Or the idea of form came first?
Hey! These long legs are great for blowing away in the wind!
Or.
Hey! These pointy sticks on the top of my head are great at tearing up the ass of this other horny giraffe!
We may never know, but damn, does it ever make for great TV. You should check it out, mate.